1. |
track 1
03:37
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i don’t mind
i’ve been trying to admit my wrongs since i learned to rhyme
and maybe in time
you could learn to love me anyway
just give me a sign
my closest friends
they're all telling me i need to give up staying inside
and that if waking up
is the hardest part of every day
then harder i should try
but what that wager states
is that i stand to gain only if i'm living a lie
and is any prize so great
that it is worth surrendering this sorrow of mine?
so i left them all behind
i moved back home and tried to hide my jaded side
and i was resigned
to lead a life of sighs and ever faded highs
but on the way to work i see old friends
and they pretend they don't recognise me
and every time i set my life to verse
i hide the worst of my anxieties
but that's no surprise for me
now i’m too involved in the lies i’ve told to act decisively
and this hole inside of me
it compromises every goal friends had in guiding me
and god i know it's not too late
but i can’t move past my mistakes no i’ve no control
no steady hands to steer my fate
no open arms to spread this weight
and i feel so alone
now i’m done with education
i'll stumble round without direction until i rot
still drinking cus i cannot stop
still trying to be someone i am not
so i am thinking the best way
of getting myself through each day is to pray for rain
because rain can call off all my plans
and the rain it truly understands all my pain
so i pray that rain will end the day
and that this pain'll go away
maybe the rain will wash away
the plans i never should've made
only the rain will end the day
i pray this pain will go away
and maybe then i'll be ok
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2. |
The Wounded Forever!
04:10
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in my head she’s sipping fine wine
with sock and her partner in crime
and they’re dwarved by skyscrapers and buried in debt
but i’ll bet they sleep well tonight
and my newsfeed tells me today
is my first lover’s first baby’s birthday
and i might have somebody pining for me
but it's too soon to say
and what would it matter anyway?
when i’m sure that it’s only a phase
two asymptotic curves going different ways
i left oxford and tried to cut ties
but i shouldn’t have left before sunrise
and the shame that i had lives on in the fact
that none of you seemed surprised
and i'm certain that you didn't mind
but i’m still scared that i will be brushed aside
so i push you away because i can't find the words to say sorry
so its goodbye
and it isn’t anyone’s fault but mine
you know i tried to stay sober-focused this time
i have all this help around me and yet still i decline
i’m dissatisfied constantly
but i’m so seldom hurt that it wounds me
only thrice this year have i been moved to tears
and each time it's by those close to me
and i know i've been a terrible friend
to the people upon which my life depends
you can call me whatever
i’ll be wounded forever
so there’s no need to pretend
and its not like i spend each day
in a funk over why i should stay
it's just that every day’s been a waste since you went away
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3. |
Reeds
04:30
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i wish i lived in harmony
but i’ve never found peace in reeds
no i’m better suited
somewhat uprooted
it’s hard to put my mind at ease
my easy-going took its leave
and all my twenties
i've felt so empty
i’ve known it since katrina died
it's something i don’t try to hide
i’m not the same
i've been ashamed
since not returning her last call
so i let drinking take a hold
and since that day
i’ve been this way
or maybe this preceded all
i try to blame on alcohol
something abhorrent
in me lies dormant
and when i’m struggling its calm
but settled it raises alarm
until i send
away my friends
yes all the ones i used to know
slipped through my fingers long ago
i burned those bridges
or blanked messages
suggesting i am capable
of faking that i’m in control
but i lock myself
inside the house
because i’m scared i'd have to choose
between my wallowing and you
and without sorrow
i’d just be hollow
that is without this misery
i think i’d simply cease to be
it lives within me
constitutively
i’ve traced it to my very core
though through the bottle i ignore
the ugly truth
which shaped my youth
because i know that i can’t be
cured of such wretchedness easily
but a clean slate
might help me escape
from being buried here at home
this town makes me feel so alone
it keeps me static
leads to bad habits
and though i hate opening doors
all the old ones look just like yours
that’s why the reeds
don’t comfort me
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4. |
Living with Mum
04:58
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living with mum
means your comfort will come first
the bed is readymade
breakfast’s on the table
all of your wims
are catered to
atrophy wins
you never need to walk
anywhere ever again
living with mum
means you have to try new things
to not grow stagnant
or co-dependent
fend off the loneliness it brings
and wake up to
lukewarm coffee
new cures in the bathroom
you never ordered
it's overwhelming
living with mum
seems to make you argue more
you worry she's unhappy
you wonder what else fate has in store
all of your sins
are catalogued
in her memory
yet she is ceaselessly supportive
and she harbours me
and living with mum
means you get things out the blue
but you’re ungrateful
not how she raised you
you can't accept a hot potato
you wake up to
three missed calls
and all the posters fall on you
you’re getting older
it's overwhelming
living with mum
means the end of privacy
cus these walls are paper-thin
and you're sure that they are pushing in
all of your friends
managed to move away from home
but you are such a failure
so you're back here
all alone
living with mum
means mike board had the last laugh
and you’re sure she reads your mail
well "a problem shared is a problem halved"
wake up to
power through
another loathsome month or two
and then you’ll leave here
it's overwhelming
she’ll wake up to
empty rooms
a son that dimly fades from view
you can’t repay her
it's overwhelming
overwhelming
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5. |
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when you can’t go straight everything's worth risking
when you know you’ll never tow the line or turn yourself in
and you won't give up searching
but your outlook’s grown so dim
when you can’t go straight
you know you can’t win
when you can’t go straight you live to keep drinking
you’re full of sin and everything you had is ruined
so you play it back over again
how he swore he would never give in
but if you can’t go straight
you’ll end up just like him
and when you can’t go straight you'll always over-think things
you haven’t slept you mustn’t ever let anyone in
and if there’s one thing that's certain
it's that nothing worth having comes free
and every good fraud
has got their reason to grieve
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6. |
My Heart
02:16
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my heart doesn't race when i cum
there's no catharsis to be won
though i feel a bit lighter when it's done
mostly i just feel numb
ad nauseum
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7. |
Spires (A Love Song)
03:28
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i act rehearsed today
but i wear a cursed frown
solemn studied and ready to be found
i'm sending myself away
it's high time i left this town
but to part without a vow
is something i should not allow
you make such a merry pair
and you’d be unfulfillled without
so please be careful treading on this rocky ground
an unnecessary stare
beckons a welcome scowl
the city boys surround
and it's something i should not allow
this affair was a bastard’s game
another bare and unlasting sigh
now i'm draining all the bottles just to survive
and if i‘m such an honest man
with nothing to hide
then why choose his arms and not mine?
it's something i should not abide
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8. |
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they’re all getting bored of me and my silly
little pitiful acts that attract and divide
all those that i fake to
hope to impress greatly
depart and this stable demeanor subsides
still hiding old plans
in the wardrobe behind
my latest disguise
and under the flesh there resides
a brute truth prepping
its ugly reprise
should i bash in my head or subscribe to sold meds?
what’s the best way of masking these rotten insides?
a bookworm a critic
what a learned young cynic
they’re all just so many new suits for old lies
and i’ve taken solace
in my grandfather’s ethics
yeah he lived as he died
and somewhere above me
i’m certain you grimace
when your eyes meet with mine
so i’m making a break for it
ready to meet my maker
i just hope she’s ready this time
END
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